I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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