Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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