apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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