she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
