i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
