My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
