you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
