There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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