u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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