I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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