I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
