She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
