My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
