i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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