i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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