you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
