turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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