Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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