If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
