some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
