who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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