community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
