I am puke
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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