I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
