Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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