I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
