it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
