i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
