I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
