Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
