how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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