my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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