I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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