Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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