I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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