The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
