I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
