Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
