So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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