My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize