Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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