That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
