Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize