if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
