ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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