Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
