I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
