He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
