I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
