I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
