The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize