Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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