I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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