Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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