Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
