im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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