So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
