Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
