i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
