I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
