I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
