in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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