This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
