we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
