I think i peed on brittanys purse
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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