Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
