You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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