I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
