After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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