your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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