Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
