So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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