i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
