Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
