If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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