How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
