we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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