I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
