My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He felt like a one man threesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
