a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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