yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
