i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize