On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize