there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
