She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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