Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
