Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
