sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
