Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
40s are totally the cure
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
