in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
