u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize