you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
