he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
