I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had sex on a roof
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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