Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
