I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
