Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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