we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
COCAINE IS GR8
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
