The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize