Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
