you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
