It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
