Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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