would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I supernannyed him into submission
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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