When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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