Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sarcasm needs its own font
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
