i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
