I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
