Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
