is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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