Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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